Sleeping Poem #11/ Psychedelia

You had me in chains and cuffs
Now you're telling me to fuck off
And play with the kids outside

I hate being told what to be
Don't dare censor what I hear and see
I already had enough with porn
Escaping from you by saying (I need to pee)

Hey, hey, it's not that simple
When they treat you like a mental

Eyes can't see the light of the day
Darkness' been here forever
All the shallow words on TV
What's good to mention in my CV?

Hey, hey, it's not that simple
When they treat you like a mental

Prozac won't help a bipolar
I'm not depressed, I just love weed
They love me when they see the manic
Switching to the depressed channel
They bloody leave.

Be Careful What You Wish For

 Death, it's something I've been eager to achieve, probably before I was even born. Us, me and death have met on countless occasions, expected and unexpected. The most profound meeting that I can recall most of its parts was the last one. Maybe because it was the only one that happened without any planning or precaution. Or because it has occurred in a phase when I wanted to remain alive so badly. That happened and damaged me for life instead of taking it away. Death loves to tease me.

 I wanted to stay alive, I still do actually. But I'm still looking for a reason. It feels like all the reasons for a human to live were demolished before my eyes. I'm not going to deceive myself and say that I'm strong and I can make it. No, I'm not. I've no strength left. Actually, I'm a dead creature that manages to breathe and move. Nothing excites me any longer, food has no taste in my mouth, I laugh but I'm not slightly happy.  I'm getting colder than death and I'm horrendously terrified at the thought that I will eventually lose everything that's left. 
 People who claim to be cold-blooded, I doubt they actually know what being a real cold-blooded means. Not getting enraged is not what being cold-blooded all about. I sometimes scream and shout my lungs out because I want to make sure I haven't lost everything that makes me a human being or just to feel my existence. I scream when I'm not certain if I'm dead or still alive.

Perhaps the only things that make me feel my existence are my sorrow and this exquisite pain in my chest, the pain of longing so much for you.

Mayhem Of Morbidity

Born a seed in the soil
Longing to bloom only for your love
I keep on withering in your absence
In pain, I weep in silence
But my agonies scream aloud
Drunken with sullen tears
Mislead me in this path of ours
Now I am plunging alone in tainted solitude and fear
For this, I poured all my power.
Hate me if you please
But teach me how to hate you back
Make this foolish heart freeze
Before the next longing-attack.
Ran, I should have ran
Before it all began
Yet, I preferred to stay
No, I cannot be swayed.
Because if you are morbid,
I still want to sin
That bittersweet taste of yours
Is a taste of heaven
I am not a saint, never will be
Let me fall in love with you for eternity.
Deviant love
Exquisitely brisk and dark atmosphere
Depraved lust, you make me feel
I need to spit my confused desires on you.
My passion screams
My heart heavily bleeds
I am enamoured of your every single detail.
You were made to please the devious lust of mine
This body is my taboo shrine
My loneliness aches to harm you
Tenderly, yet painfully divine.
I want to suck the life of you
Steal your pleasures
So you will not have a life without me.
What you feel is no longer what you see
I am fond of harming you
But you will not feel a pain
You will be drowning in pleasure
Until the glazes fall like rain
In a soundless atmosphere
I can still hear your erotic sigh.

Sleeping Poem #10 / A Hope Attack

Chasing death in fantasy and reality
Climbing a mountain of grief and sorrow to meet my finality 
Hope-deprived
I fill my sorrows
Each time I cried
Abiding unwillingness
Plagued mind out of reach
A heart filled with emptiness
Practise death, that's what you preach
Death flattered me once
And ever since I am crimson
Don't let this get to you
Don't weep in defeat
I have been there from the beginning
I will remain until you're on your own feet
A shoulder to cry
A place to hide
From the demons of this cruel earth
Living sorrows, dead hopes
I have been deeply in despair
Cried my heart out until nothing was there
I died whenever I saw your name
Divinity of unconditional love
Draw that gorgeous smile back
And I might have a hope-attack
When I can finally meet my immortal peace.

Sleeping Poem #9

Vicious thoughts battle me on the bed
Bones ache, but I still sway
Each side, right, left
It is going to hurt either way.
Approach!
And lay down with me
So sick of being lonely
All I hear is a silent hiss
From my bleeding heart
I am dead when I no longer miss
Your warmth when we are apart.
A descending desire for death
Hope departed for eternity
A dying wish with every breath
I am drowning in a lake of tears and woe.
Swallowed pills
Now I spit blood
Whatever might kill me
I already died inside.
Seal my guilty existence
Apprehend the remaining signs of life
I can not be someone I was never meant to be
Do not wait for hope in here
It will never arrive. 

Sleeping Poem #8/ Hypocritical Confusion

Land of hypocrisy
Preposterous confusion
Everyday, heresy
False retributions
Good deeds are spiteful
Dreadfulness is so noble
Got something you want to achieve?
Kiss arses
Screw what you believe
Supreme's whores
Get all they are looking for
And all ye holding on to nobility
Choke on your pricey dignity
Take a step forward
Be pushed back ten
A good living where the good is murdered
That's your only sin.
The masters, the puppets,
Drown in ye filth and greed
For ye will not meet success
Divine retribution
You only harvest what you seed.
False legacy of guidance and spreading peace
Ever since, lies were meant to increase
Truth is clear until you make it not
Only such absurd lies to be believed
By the mind-corrupt.
Give the world Oil
And heaps of things to laugh about
The wealthiest
Has its people deprived
How hilarious is that?
Speak no evil
Speak no good
Neither way you are doomed.

Sleeping Peom #7

Weakness slither down mine spine
By agonised emotions, I'm paralysed
Deprived breath with the deadly kiss of thine
I do not want to remain alive..
Absurd existence
Unenviable distress
Shallow presence
A pale smile is put to death.
Those pills will never heal
The deep sorrows within
Reality is no longer real
I meditate my horror's murder.
Abode in mine own mind
Suffocated under words no one else could hear.
The life in me is so dead.
I am a heresy
Mine words will never be heard
Cruel and unpleasant
Lack hypocrisy.
Bitter tears are shedding
Washing the dignity left
Walk away
Never look behind
Murder the past, present and future
Without care
Without love.