2013-07-07

Sleeping Poem #11/ Psychedelia

You had me in chains and cuffs
Now you're telling me to fuck off
And play with the kids outside

I hate being told what to be
Don't dare censor what I hear and see
I already had enough with porn
Escaping from you by saying (I need to pee)

Hey, hey, it's not that simple
When they treat you like a mental

Eyes can't see the light of the day
Darkness' been here forever
All the shallow words on TV
What's good to mention in my CV?

Hey, hey, it's not that simple
When they treat you like a mental

Prozac won't help a bipolar
I'm not depressed, I just love weed
They love me when they see the manic
Switching to the depressed channel
They bloody leave.

2013-05-18

Be Careful What You Wish For

 Death, it's something I've been eager to achieve, probably before I was even born. Us, me and death have met on countless occasions, expected and unexpected. The most profound meeting that I can recall most of its parts was the last one. Maybe because it was the only one that happened without any planning or precaution. Or because it has occurred in a phase when I wanted to remain alive so badly. That happened and damaged me for life instead of taking it away. Death loves to tease me.

 I wanted to stay alive, I still do actually. But I'm still looking for a reason. It feels like all the reasons for a human to live were demolished before my eyes. I'm not going to deceive myself and say that I'm strong and I can make it. No, I'm not. I've no strength left. Actually, I'm a dead creature that manages to breathe and move. Nothing excites me any longer, food has no taste in my mouth, I laugh but I'm not slightly happy.  I'm getting colder than death and I'm horrendously terrified at the thought that I will eventually lose everything that's left. 
 People who claim to be cold-blooded, I doubt they actually know what being a real cold-blooded means. Not getting enraged is not what being cold-blooded all about. I sometimes scream and shout my lungs out because I want to make sure I haven't lost everything that makes me a human being or just to feel my existence. I scream when I'm not certain if I'm dead or still alive.

Perhaps the only things that make me feel my existence are my sorrow and this exquisite pain in my chest, the pain of longing so much for you.

2013-04-25

Mayhem Of Morbidity

Born a seed in the soil
Longing to bloom only for your love
I keep on withering in your absence
In pain, I weep in silence
But my agonies scream aloud
Drunken with sullen tears
Mislead me in this path of ours
Now I am plunging alone in tainted solitude and fear
For this, I poured all my power.
Hate me if you please
But teach me how to hate you back
Make this foolish heart freeze
Before the next longing-attack.
Ran, I should have ran
Before it all began
Yet, I preferred to stay
No, I cannot be swayed.
Because if you are morbid,
I still want to sin
That bittersweet taste of yours
Is a taste of heaven
I am not a saint, never will be
Let me fall in love with you for eternity.
Deviant love
Exquisitely brisk and dark atmosphere
Depraved lust, you make me feel
I need to spit my confused desires on you.
My passion screams
My heart heavily bleeds
I am enamoured of your every single detail.
You were made to please the devious lust of mine
This body is my taboo shrine
My loneliness aches to harm you
Tenderly, yet painfully divine.
I want to suck the life of you
Steal your pleasures
So you will not have a life without me.
What you feel is no longer what you see
I am fond of harming you
But you will not feel a pain
You will be drowning in pleasure
Until the glazes fall like rain
In a soundless atmosphere
I can still hear your erotic sigh.

2013-04-18

Sleeping Poem #10 / A Hope Attack

Chasing death in fantasy and reality
Climbing a mountain of grief and sorrow to meet my finality 
Hope-deprived
I fill my sorrows
Each time I cried
Abiding unwillingness
Plagued mind out of reach
A heart filled with emptiness
Practise death, that's what you preach
Death flattered me once
And ever since I am crimson
Don't let this get to you
Don't weep in defeat
I have been there from the beginning
I will remain until you're on your own feet
A shoulder to cry
A place to hide
From the demons of this cruel earth
Living sorrows, dead hopes
I have been deeply in despair
Cried my heart out until nothing was there
I died whenever I saw your name
Divinity of unconditional love
Draw that gorgeous smile back
And I might have a hope-attack
When I can finally meet my immortal peace.

2013-04-17

Sleeping Poem #9

Vicious thoughts battle me on the bed
Bones ache, but I still sway
Each side, right, left
It is going to hurt either way.
Approach!
And lay down with me
So sick of being lonely
All I hear is a silent hiss
From my bleeding heart
I am dead when I no longer miss
Your warmth when we are apart.
A descending desire for death
Hope departed for eternity
A dying wish with every breath
I am drowning in a lake of tears and woe.
Swallowed pills
Now I spit blood
Whatever might kill me
I already died inside.
Seal my guilty existence
Apprehend the remaining signs of life
I can not be someone I was never meant to be
Do not wait for hope in here
It will never arrive. 

2013-04-15

Sleeping Poem #8/ Hypocritical Confusion

Land of hypocrisy
Preposterous confusion
Everyday, heresy
False retributions
Good deeds are spiteful
Dreadfulness is so noble
Got something you want to achieve?
Kiss arses
Screw what you believe
Supreme's whores
Get all they are looking for
And all ye holding on to nobility
Choke on your pricey dignity
Take a step forward
Be pushed back ten
A good living where the good is murdered
That's your only sin.
The masters, the puppets,
Drown in ye filth and greed
For ye will not meet success
Divine retribution
You only harvest what you seed.
False legacy of guidance and spreading peace
Ever since, lies were meant to increase
Truth is clear until you make it not
Only such absurd lies to be believed
By the mind-corrupt.
Give the world Oil
And heaps of things to laugh about
The wealthiest
Has its people deprived
How hilarious is that?
Speak no evil
Speak no good
Neither way you are doomed.

2013-04-14

Sleeping Peom #7

Weakness slither down mine spine
By agonised emotions, I'm paralysed
Deprived breath with the deadly kiss of thine
I do not want to remain alive..
Absurd existence
Unenviable distress
Shallow presence
A pale smile is put to death.
Those pills will never heal
The deep sorrows within
Reality is no longer real
I meditate my horror's murder.
Abode in mine own mind
Suffocated under words no one else could hear.
The life in me is so dead.
I am a heresy
Mine words will never be heard
Cruel and unpleasant
Lack hypocrisy.
Bitter tears are shedding
Washing the dignity left
Walk away
Never look behind
Murder the past, present and future
Without care
Without love.

2013-04-13

Sleeping Poem #6/ A Hymn To A Demon

In darkness
All I see
Is wrath
I am empty.
Solid walls
Built with disbelief
Now scorching
On a massive grief...
Shove thy pathetic sympathies
I have lost the feelings
That saved me in mine disarrays..
I am left with no hope
I will embrace mine agonised sorrows
As I take what was good in myself
To seal its fate..
Entomb it under murdering hate..
By mine rising demonic self.
There is no mercy that I can feel
Not any longer
And mine eternal solitude is not to be feared
With murder
I feed this hunger.
One shalt murder
All deceiving feelings
Never let thy heart surrender
To this fake warmth
Love, care, sympathy, admiration
Total deception!
Hand thy heart to no one
So no one can shatter it in pieces
Temporary ignited
Forever cold.
Sooner rather than later
Thou art left alone
Forever thou wilt mourn.

2013-04-12

Sleeping Poem #5 / A Hymn To Agony

Weeping a hymn
Howling out of key
Praising mine own demons
Blinded by filthy blood,
I can not see.
An agonised growl
Revealing a narcissistic pain
Suffering
--A cruel refrain
Suffocating
--On thoughts driving me insane
Endless deceiving thoughts
No embellishment
Novel sadism 
Entombed in self-loathing
Mine fingers are scorching
On a lost rhythm
Terrifying dreams
Lead by the wrath of mine selfish soul
Into decay.. We all shall fall.
So I seek joy
Between these shadows
Of morbid sins
Guilt with no coy
Angels of sin are depraving within.
A heartless, foolish heart
Fell in too deep 
For thee
Bit of selfishness was ripped apart
Might be in vain
But still I can not see.
Damn, I am down
Thou kill me
Make me feel so bloody down.
High, I am high
Thou fly me to reach the sky
But now I can not feel thy presence
Only the herbs will take me high.

2013-04-10

Sleeping Poem #4 / A Death Upon A Cup Of Coffee

Dark coffee
A cigarette at hand
Lightened with agony and jealousy
Mine life is just a one-night stand.
I have left frustration lead mine guilty ways
A false comfort in swelling bruises and empty scars
Now,
I am burning mine agony down in an ashtray
Mine hope,
With the smoke, hath gone afar.
For living, 
I lack the will
In view of morbid sacrifices
We must kill, kill, kill
To regain Hell, from we fell.
Malicious composure
Covering an overwhelming torment
Only the demons have such endurement.
With each sip
It is getting impossible to swallow
Choking on mine own words of misery
So I bleed into the coffee cup
A toast to a morbid eternity:
Welcome to the beginning
Of mine endless doom.

2013-04-09

Sleeping Poem #3

I kiss thy fairy wind in despicable fear
Slowly, I walk away
While I drown in a lake of salty tears
I fall into decay...
Where tomorrow is just as yesterday.
Thy mesmeric poisonous kiss
Hath abducted mine brain
Pleasure is preying on me.
Darkness hath taken every bit of light
With a vengeance, mine heart will ignite
ablaze with thy flame
The doom of all lies
The rise of dying truth.
This ballad will remain sacred
And will moan as time ticks over.
Thou art mine happiness in mine unhappiness
The company in mine utter loneliness
The belonging in mine antipathy.
As mine existence erodes
And mine voice subdues 
I take desperate steps
Towards the dying sun
The vanity of me had left me undone.
I am the envy of the shallow
Ye pitied pity, I refuse to swallow.
Out on the piss
Preserving mine sanity
Socializing with cannabis.
The black cave will always shelter
The deepest ugly secrets and lies
And the filthiest of mankind.
Hold on to ye truth so tight
Nothing is ever safe here
In this sadistic booze-up
We will sip our pleasures
Until we painlessly disappear. 

2013-04-08

Sleeping Poem #2

Crawling this path of woe
How can I put these thoughts to rest?
I swallow the pills of indignity
Thy venomous kiss is my last request.
Entwined in a rattling, horrifying yarn
Replete with emptiness, loneliness
... And thy love.
Yet, I remain hollow at heart
I am a heresy
Every breath I take is a sin
I am hypnotized under thy depraving sway.
In my death
I pleaded for rain
To wash my last breath
But the skies refused to cry
No soul had wept at my funeral
But mine own filthy corpse
I hereby..
Commit the last goodbye.

Sleeping Poem #1

Mine body is thy own privilege
Mine heart is locked up with thy own key
This love hath depraving advantage 
over the sorrows of I and thee.
We keep it away from prying eyes
Even from our own
In denial, but our spirits emphasise
Our insistence on remaining alone.
Drifting in woe's haze
I would sacrifice what is left of me
For the sake of thy warm embrace.
I am a filthy loner, can't thou see?
Desperate... To meet thy gaze.
At the seems.. Thou prefer silence
I know, I can not bare..
But I deny preposterously.
Doing to mine self this cruel violence
Then shatter around the blooded floor in pieces
And, alas, I.. sigh, I... cry.
I seek thy joyous company
Lead me to the way of winning it
I beg thee, please...
I would write a thousand-pages poem
With mine own blood
For the sake of feeling mine existence.
I am not preying.. I cannot even dare
If thou art burdened,
Let me know how thou feel
I bloody care!
When thy heart is drowned in weary
--Lord forbids
I would be delighted to be thy comforting shoulder.
I care..
I bloody swear!
I am always there...
Right there...
Let me know I deserve to be there..
Before life calls upon me
Hell is on fire.. Awaiting for mine arrival.
I want to know something good
Allow me to do good deeds... in Love
Before the bloody departure
Before I forcibly flee.

2013-03-21

ساعــات بــيـن الـكـتـب1

عكفت في اليومين الماضيين على قراءة هذا الكتاب الرائع الزاخر الذي يجمع المعرفة من شتى الكتب بمعرفة الكاتب (عباس العقاد). حيث أن الكاتب يعرض أفكارًا يختارها من كتب و يفندها و يناقشها و ينقدها و ربما يؤيدها و يدعمها بأدلة و براهين من كتب أخرى
و حيث أن هذا الكتاب هو مجال واسع  يجعلك متعطشًا للنقاشات الأدبية و السجالات الفكرية, فقد ارتأيت أن أناقش بعض مقالاته و أسرد ما رأيته جديرًا بالمشاركة -و الكتاب بأكمله جدير بالمشاركة. *وضعت اقتباسات الكتاب باللون الأحمر بينما تعليقاتي ستظل باللون الأبيض

**************
"
يقول جوستاف لوبون في كتابه (الآراء و المعتقدات) : "إن اللذة و الألم هما لسان الحياة المادية و المعنوية و عنوان الكدر و الصفاء في الأعضاء و بهما ترغم الطبيعة الحيوان على الإتيان بأعمال يستحيل الوجود بدونهما". اللذة و الألم ليستا نتيجة لحالة سابقة و إنما محكومتان بعدة عوامل أخرى نجهلها ولا نحس فيها. فالعوامل تدفعك إلى شيء فيكون لذيذًا إليك أو مؤلما في حسه. فالإنسان مدفوع على الحالتين قبل أن يذوق اللذة أو الألم. فماذا أوضحنا و ماذا فسرنا إذا قلنا أن الإنسان سعمل ما يلذه و يجتنب ما يؤلمه إذا كان من الثابت المحقق أن الإنسان مكره على اللذة التي يطلبها كما هو مكره على الألم الذي يجتنبه! و كيف نقول أنهما أكبر عوامل الحركة و ها نحن نرى إنسانًا يُكرم لأن الكرم لذيذ عنده, و ترى إنسانًا يبخل لأن الكرم يؤلمه و يكدره! ...الخ
"

***************

نعم, نحن لسنا بالضرورة نعمل العمل لأننا نتلذذ به أو نتجنبه لأنه يؤلمنا. فها نحن ذا نتلهف شوقًا لنخط قصة حب في فصول حياتنا مع أننا ندرك تمامًا أن الحب مؤلم رغم كل تلك اللذة التي نجدها فيه. نحن نحبهم و إن تجاهلونا أو تخلوا عنا ولا نطلب مقابلًا منهم لتعويض الألم الذي نجنيه من حبنا لهم. نعمي أعيننا عن عثراتهم و نقائصهم, و نتجاهل تجاهلهم. يقتلوننا في اليوم ألف مرة و لكن حبنا أعمى و لا يأبه إطلاقًا بل و يكبر مع كل رشفة ألم
 نحن نهرول نحو كل ما يؤلمنا و من الممكن أن يدمرنا و لكننا لا نأبه, بل نستلذ و نتلذذ بهذا الألم
و على النقيض من ذلك, فنحن ننفر مما يحقق لنا لذة و سعادة لا متناهية
فنحن لا نصلي مع أننا ندرك عاقبة المصلين و عقوبة التاركين
و نمنع العطاء عن المحتاجين مع أننا نعلم جيدًا حجم السعادة و الأجر الكبيرين
و لا نستميت في طلب العلم مع أننا نرى و ندرك حجم تعاسة و شقاء الجهلة و الأميين
 

نحن لم نعد نتلذذ بشيء لأنه لذيذ, بل لأنه مؤلم
و لكن, أليس الإحساس بالألم أفضل من عدم الإحساس بشيء مطلقًا؟
ليس بالضرورة أن تكون السعادة التي نجنيها مما نفعله لذيذة المذاق على الدوام. فنحن سعداء جدًا في الحب برغم الألم المر الذي نتجرعه في سبيله. يزيد ألمنا فنزيد عطاءنا و لا ينضب. يسلبنا النوم قريري الأعين و لا نتخيل أنفسنا لحظة بدونه. نرى المحبّين تعساء و نحسدهم و نتوق لأن نكون مثلهم
نكون أمواتًا قبل أن نقع في الحب, و حين يُحيينا الحب يُحيينا على الألم و العذاب
ألم الوحدة
عذاب الحنين و الأشواق المجنونة
ألآم تلك الأوراق المبعثرة لرسائل لم تصل 
و عذاب أنها لربما لن تصل أبدًا
ألم الغيرة 
و عذاب كتمانها لأنك تراها تسلبك نفسك و لربما تنهي ذلك الحب الذي قاسيت المر لأجله
ألم أن تحس أنك المجنون وحدك 
و عذاب إحساسك أن هذا الجنون ما يزيد الطرف الآخر إلا نفورًا
ألم الحيرة التي نسبح فيها وحدنا 
و عذاب ألا تجد من يهدي تلك الحيرة 
  ألآم و عذابات لا تعد و لا تحصى. و لكننا نظل نحب كأطفال لا تُعلمهم الآلام و لا تمحو براءة الحب الذي يحملونه في قلوبهم الصغيرة

************
 

Deep, Repulsive Foolishness~


I'm such a mess
A mess of unpleasant thoughts
And foolishness.
Pardon this fool,
For she can not get you out of her mess
Out of her thoughts.
Bear with my madness
Cause you make me out of my mind
You, sometimes bring me too much sadness
And tears that I'm too broken to hide.
I apologize for failing to show less care
I don't know how to dump my dignity elsewhere
My will to fight this has ceased
My mind, heart, and soul are so seized.

What do I do?
I'm lonely without you
I used to feel your presence sometimes, somewhere
Now, I can't find you anywhere.
Have my ways of love reached the point of disgust?
Tell me, and I'll immediately stop
Is my limited awesomeness now covered with rust?
I'd try to wipe it up.

It is my plague
I can not be that far
from my night's shining star
I'm too weak to even try.
So tell me what is it that will please?
Would you tell me, please?
Correct my guilty ways
I'm too dumb to fall in love.
Did I show too much love?
I just need to know.

I know I'm asking too much,
I always ask too much.
 

Kramer Assault 211 W/Floyd Rose

It's been a habit for me to search for different guitar models. I love knowing the differences between brands and how can I have the best combination of specifications for the kind of music I play. And I can tell you that, you can't have a guitar that works for all the genres, techniques and styles. You just have to know what can deliver the best sound and comfort for the kind of music you play.

What basically attracted me to Kramer guitars was -believe it or not- the headstock. Yes, the headstock. It looked pretty much like Jacksons and Charvel which I have a huge crush on, adding to that watching many of my favorite players hold them just like: Jon Bon Jovi, Richie Sambora, Eddie Van Halen, and Sal Costa. I did some researches and I found that Gibson has bought Kramer sometime ago and they came up with Kramer Assault. A guitar that has the famous body of Les Paul's. Floyd Rose, single coil or humbuckers.
Another plus of the many pluses this guitar has is the price. It's not more than 400$!
It is definitely a great Metal guitar for beginners and even pros.



Features:
  • Single-cutaway style solidbody
  • Recessed double-locking Floyd Rose
  • Alnico V bridge humbucker
  • Single-coil middle and neck pickups
  • Volume "treble bleed" mod
  • 1 vol. 2 tone with push-pull coil-splitting
  • 5-way selection switch
  • Chrome hardware
  • Mahogany body
  • Set mahogany neck
  • Ebony fingerboard
  • 14" radius
  • Thorn fingerboard inlays
  • 24 frets
  • 1.65" nut width
  • 25.5" scale

Here are some videos that show you how does the Kramer Assault

 

 



2013-03-20

It's Always About The Beginnings!

Me when I was about 3 years old
{Intro...

 I can't actually define the time when my passion for music has started, especially for Rock, Metal and guitars. But I assume it's started sometime while I was still in my mother's womb.
I have grown up in a family that has a decent history with music. My uncle's Oud used to attract me to the point of drooling just to put my hands on it.
I remember in my kindergarten days when I couldn't wait just to see Headbangers Ball and Metal Mania and God knows how silly I looked like trying to imitate band members and headbanging.
Just to mention that none of my family members are interested in heavy music so I was tremendously lucky to be introduced to excellent music at such a young age. And although I'm a huge fan of Rock and Metal, I can't deny my love for Pop. Bands like Backstreet Boys and Nsync were undeniably great.


{Guitars.. Ultimate Love

My first love
  I got my first "unreal" acoustic guitar when I was a 3rd grader. It wasn't "tunable" but at that time it was a plus cause I wasn't aware of the guitar tuning matter. I usually sat in front of the TV or the computer blasting  (Linkin Park, Metallica, Nickelback, Cradle Of  Filth...), trying to play what they play. Years later I got a "more real" acoustic. I could play some songs and themes by ear and occasionally composed some good melodies. But that guitar didn't last so long because I eventually overtightened a string and it broke. The reason why I haven't gotten my first real guitar sooner was because I wanted to get it with my own money. And because I couldn't control my shopping habits it took me ages to finally achieve that life-long dream.
In August 2009, I went to the shop and picked up my first electric guitar, A Fender Squier Caster. It was a starter pack and I basically took it because I didn't have enough money for a separate amp. I believe if I waited a bit longer I would've gotten a better deal. But I knew myself too well not wait any longer. The next day I went again and bought a Zoom G1X effects pedal -I was so lucky that I had enough money left in my pockets!

Back From The Sack!

I remember when I established this blog back in 2010. I merely had any interest to post anything. Since then, a lot of words were written on hundreds of thousands of pages. And many others were left unsaid until this very moment. I actually don't have any interest in letting people know my thoughts, I let them think what I want them to. But it's only about a few people around me. I've been holding such a terrible mixture of guilt and regret because I don't feel like I'm well-connected to the few people who I dearly cherish. I don't feel that I'm there enough for them as I always promise. I'm unable to comfort their sorrow. I don't even know how to share their happiness.
I'm not a kind of person who will hug, share tears or do any of these physical gestures. I only have words. And I quote Alan Shore of Boston Legal when he said: “Sometimes words are all that allow me to feel like I’m a part of the world, a part of life. If I don’t have words, then I’m alone.

So I thought this could be my last resort.